All the emotions.
On August 4th 2018, I had my very first photo session for one of my friends. It was her wedding. I can remember so vivid how scared I was. I just finished my first semester at stark state for photography and felt like I barley knew a thing. Which I wasn’t wrong. Every single emotion ran through my body. The joy of being apart of her big day. The fear of having something so big weighing over top of me and so scared of screwing everything up. I was shaking half way through her wedding. Scared of missing a moment. A memory. Not fulfilling there expectations and even more. I knew deep down inside if I didn’t take this opportunity I would never accomplish my dreams.
As I was photographing every moment I could on my own I came to realize brain fog. I had forgotten everything I had learned. From aperture, to shutter speed to ISO. How I accomplished decent photos I will never be able to explain. I know I am not the only photographer who has forgotten everything they learned or even poses they had in mind once they’ve made it to a session. Sometimes the stress that weighs over us of creating these perfect images. These perfect moments for everyone to enjoy for years to come can make us forget in the moment and somehow we still manage to come out with these beautiful images.
I was dealing with so much that day physically and mentally. I didn’t want my health from going through a miscarriage that same exact day to weigh over me and ruin her perfect day. I pushed everything aside to be able to capture moments that even to this day she has hung all around her house. Even though I was going through everything with my health and the mental stress from fearing the worst outcome of her day I captured them so beautiful. Now wedding photography isn’t something I normally do. In fact I am not a huge fan of capturing weddings as the stress of them can make me sick. But I will forever be grateful for the opportunity to be able to capture there day.
